As a child we all remembered thinking about what we wanted to be when we grew up right?
Well, personally as a kid. I think this choice first came into mind when I was about 4 or 5 years old.
Well, I remember Barbie (Yes. Barbie.) was holding a contest of some sort. You were to draw a picture of what you wanted to be when you grew up. Completely ignoring the fact that only Americans were able to enter I pulled out some pieces of paper and started drawing.
What did I want to be?
Superwoman.
After drawing this out I stared at the paper and realized this was dumb. Who was really going to believe I was going to be a superhero? Besides. If I ever became a superhero I couldn't have people knowing my secret alias.
I scrapped the idea.
What was my next plan?
Policewoman.
I remember the picture looking retarded with me holding a gun saying something along the lines of "STOP ROBBIN' THE BANK" or something pretentious like that.
Due to my ADHD I dont think I ever got around to mailing the picture in. However I do remember wanting to keep the policewoman idea up and running.
That... didn't last too long.
One day I was talking to mom about my ideas of wanting to become a police woman and fight crime and all that shit.
I remember her saying:
Uh...Change of plans then.
I fuckin' loved animals. So why not become a vet?
I'd get to play with all the cute lil animals and cut open their bellies and save them from cancer.
I would also get to wear an awesome vet outfit and have awesome guys with huge German Shepard's hit on me and pay me extra and all that other awesome stuff.
This was also the phase in my life where I under the assumption that men only married women so they would shoot them in their sleep and steal their money. So I would never marry and be safe and uh...not dead. I would also live in a two story house with every animal in the world and be fucking rich because I would learn how to make generators and not have to pay the light bill; FUCK YOU ELECTRICITY BILL.
Around the age of 10 I ditched the vet idea. I feared being sued a million times over every time someone brought in a rare rainbow colored poodle from Afghanistan that turned out to have terminal cancer and died in my care.
For a while I didn't know what the hell I wanted to be. All I knew is that I wanted to be rich. Then...I started to realized that if I had a big rich mansion to myself...WHAT WOULD HAPPEN WHEN THE GHOSTS AND SWEENEY TODD CAME TO RAPE ME??
OH NO.
I NEEDED A HUSBAND TO TAKE THE BLOWS FOR ME WHILE I RAN TO THE POLICE.
So, I guess I'd have to forget about the whole being the rich chick on the corner who is still virgin idea. Fuck. Im going to have to share my money I thought. BUT MAYBE. I could find a millionaire to marry?
Change of plans again. Marry a millionaire. Become a housewife. Which at that time I thought meant just sitting at home watching sitcoms until it was almost time for the husband to eat and then make some Hamburger Helper AND HE WOULD LIKE IT.
Around 13 I began to realize my dilemma. I had too much ADHD to give a fuck about school. I just wanted to be a millionaire dammit. So I stopped listening to teachers and just started drawing. Thats when I realized-- I was pretty good at drawing. Infact-- Everyone had been telling me this since maybe 3rd grade when it really started to show more potential then everyone else who was drawing creepy Dragon Ball Z things that looked like Mike Tyson or Mr T. on steroids.
Oh. And Just for the record, these little doodles I draw for my blogs are obviously rushed.
So, up until I was about 16. I was hard set on wanting to become an artist. I had several stories set out to go along with the art.
By this time I had completely scrapped being a millionaire either by marriage or by my own means.
Why?
Well. Boys would LITERALLY run away from me. That and I was a test subject for the longest while as we tried to figure out which medication would work best with my ADHD. So, my grades were that of a dying horse in the African desert. BUT I LEARNED HOW TO DRAW!
Maybe I could just become a modest virgin artist who lives in a make-shift house with a strange looking dog that may also be a pig. I would live off of Graham Crackers and Egg Nogg and everything would be AWESOME.
Who needed to be rich and successful anyway? Not me.
And then it hit me. I had just wasted the last 7 years on the internet and art.
WEB DESIGNING?
Yes! Anything fancy like that must bring in the money right? And the best part is...I don't have to leave my house. EVER.
From all of my working experiences the people toke advantage of me and had the manners of Satan's anal cavity. Why the hell would I give them the honor of working of a badass of such magnitude?
And maybe...just maybe I could I study some Game Designing or Illustration on the side...so I can make my games/stories a reality ALL BY MYSELF.
Then people would look at me and say "See her? She made Final Fantasy 34 all by herself...In one day. She's a badass."
So, I started looking this stuff up. To familiarize myself with the field so I wouldn't be all derp when college came. Then I realized something. Animators and Game Designers sat cooped up in cubicals listening to someone push them around.
FUCK
After that everything went haywire.
I didn't know what the hell I wanted to be anymore.
For a short time I wanted to be a Divorce Lawyer, so I can just listen to another Chris Brown and Rhianna story. Tell who gets who and then everyone goes home to their hoes. Sounded simple enough to me.
But then I remembered the technical part of it. FILES. FILES. FILES. FILES. FILES.
The files would drive me ape-shit. Tables would be flipped. Moving on.
Maybe I could be a pregnancy doctor.
For some odd unexplained reason, ever since I was a preteen I was oddly obsessed with pregnancy. I probably knew more than someone whose actually been knocked up before.
Three things wrong with this idea.
1. I very well may have to touch someones infected vagina. Not happening.
2. TAKES TOO MANY YEARS TO LEARN.
3. God forbid, something goes wrong and the chick starts giving birth on me. I'm telling you RIGHT NOW, I'm going to freak out and have a break down. Even if I somehow manage to mid-wife the screaming pink bundle of flesh that will one day become president. I'm probably going to sit in the corner traumatized and pass out right afterwards.
Oh. And while Im on that note.
Has anyone ever noticed that right after the baby pops out...no matter how swollen, pink, screaming bloody murder and pin-headed it looks. The mother is always the first to say...
"ITS BEAUTIFUL!!!!"
Uh. No. Not Really. At least wait till they clean up the uterus blood and vagina tears...And until its head isn't shaped like a yam because your vagina was chompin' down on it.
Baker/Chief?
As I can achieve just about anything that requires physical movement. This would also be problematic. Im a good cook, honest. Im just terrified of the oven for some odd unexplained reason.
Almost every time I helped make/made cookies, whenever it came time to take them out of the oven. I would start panicking and hyperventilating and tripping out all over the kitchen. And I would always ask "CANT WE WAIT UNTIL THE OVEN COOLS DOWN TO TAKE IT OUT?!"
It was always met with a "No! They'll burn!"
So far I've only toke the cookies out once. One other time I did manage to take out a cake, but I horribly scolded my hand because I used a random dishrag and not a mitten thing. Damnit. :c
If I ever had to made a flambé; Armageddon would come a few centuries early.
I also considered Tattoo Artist or Paintbrush Artist. But there is no way in hell I am tattooing someones vagina or butt-crack. The Paintbrush Artist idea is still floating but I have never touched one of those things for art purposes.
At an earlier point in my life I also wanted to be a model because they had to know nothing and just STRUT THAT ASS.
But then America's Next Top Model made sure that I do NOT want to be one.
And now here I stand not knowing what the hell I want to be anymore.
UNLESS...
I COMBINE THEM AND COME UP WITH A WHOLE NEW BREED OF JOB.
ACE ATTORNEY NURSE FBI AGENT POKEMON MASTER SARGENT HEAD CHIEF ARTIST EXTRADITIONAIRE!!!!!!!
Or. Maybe not.
P.S - Just to be fair since I didn't update in a while or on Halloween. I'll give you an embarrassing picture of me from Halloween.
Boy do I look dumb in those shades.
[EXAMS ARE FINALLY OVER SO THIS THING IS LIKE 2 MONTHS OLD AND IT TOKE ME THAT LONG JUST TO FINISH THE LAST 5 PICTURES OR SO. BOY. DO I SUCK. DON'T WORRY I'LL UPDATE LIKE A BOSS NOW.]
(No. I dont know why the text all has a ridiculous white background to it. Im working my best to try and remove it.)
